Decision fatigue: Being responsible for everything is exhausting

A good relationship is a partnership. We share tasks, decisions and responsibilities. And when we are bereaved, all those decisions fall on us alone.
 
When Tim died, the immediate decisions were about the funeral – as Tim’s death was sudden, we hadn’t discussed much – and what to do about his business, and all his clothes and books and magazines. After that, I decided not to make any major decisions for a while. But there were still the smaller decisions to be made on a daily basis. Whether to repaint the sitting room. Which plumber to choose to fix the toilet. Whether the cat was sneezing enough to need to go to the vet. Even little things like what to have for tea. And those, all adding up together, truly can be exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
This exhaustion and the lack of a sounding board meant that I made some big mistakes. I spent a huge amount on work on the house/shop, much of which probably didn’t need to be done, and made a couple of bad choices after persuasion from a builder, which later had to be reversed before I could sell the house. I was also badly let down by another builder who disappeared before work was completed. And I made some small ones. I painted the upstairs toilet with an odd paint effect because I ran out of paint. I ate too much or the wrong things. I bought shoes that I never wore.
 
While asking for help can be really hard, having someone to talk these decisions through – a friend, a family member or someone who is part of a face to face or online support group – can lift a bit of the exhaustion.