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The Widow's Almanac: Bittersweet birthdays

16/9/2022

1 Comment

 
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I've had a birthday this week.

My birthday has long been a bittersweet day. My first husband's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly on my 24th birthday, nine months before we got married. He rang me just as I was getting up, and I knew as soon as he spoke that something was wrong. That was the first death close to me.
 
Roll on a couple of decades, and Tim and I married on my birthday. Everyone sang happy birthday to me at the reception. It seemed like a lovely thing to do at the time. But after Tim died, this left me with two milestones on one day. A birthday in September is associated with a change of the seasons, and I think my brain and body subconsciously mark the approach of the date with the smells, sounds, temperature and day length of oncoming autumn, even before I realise that the date is approaching.
 
My birthday rolls into the milestones. Tim's birthday in December. Christmas, which was often a time just for the two of us. New Year, where we saw the people we've partied with since our early twenties. And then his death date, 24 February. And so, I find this time of year tough, and often have to surf a wave of depression around now. Which means I need to try to take my own advice. I'm going to be kind to myself. Sit through the grief attacks. And know that the depression wave will lift.
1 Comment
Mark Marlow
17/4/2024 18:45:55

So with my Ju passing on the 8th March this is less than 2 months to my birthday (4th May) In nearly 37 years I've never worked on my birthday choosing to have one of my weeks off during it, for years we came on holiday to Cornwall but now we live here we just go to some of our favourite places for the day. I've already said to everyone I will not be celebrating it this year & of course Ju's birthday was in December (22nd) she hated it as it always reminded her of her childhood & alot of people used to roll birthday & Christmas into one gift for her. I tried to make this time as special as possible.
Christmas for us was just us, a slow pace of life just pottering around the home and local walk, but again this year I fear it's going to be awful as everything is now.
I miss her so much and still can't believe it & want her back so much.
My inner light feels like it's going out, it's certainly less bright without her

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    I was widowed at 50 when Tim, who I expected would be my happy-ever-after following a marriage break-up, died suddenly from heart failure linked to his type 2 diabetes. Though we'd known each other since our early 20s, we'd been married less than ten years. ​

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