The Widow's Handbook: winner of the Helen Bailey Award 2022
  • Home
  • About
  • Personal stories
  • Resources
  • Other widow blogs
  • Home
  • About
  • Personal stories
  • Resources
  • Other widow blogs
Picture

The Merry Widow: Coping using dark humour

15/11/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
I've always had a bit of a wry sense of humour, and a somewhat cynical view of the world. I was worried that I had lost my sense of humour, along with my rather dirty laugh, after Tim died. They both did come back, but my sense of humour is now somewhat darker.
 
Dark humour is a coping mechanism. It's a distraction and a way of accepting the situation. It can also be used to bring people in the same situation together – I've seen it in doctors, nurses, ambulance crew and police. I have used dark humour about my sexuality when telling other queer people and allies about experiences of biphobia.
 
An incident in a local pub: "You are marrying a woman? But you used to be married to a man, and he's dead? Your husband knew you liked women? Did you sleep with women while you were married to your husband?"
 
I have also used dark humour to tell other widows about dealing with muggles (people who haven't been bereaved).
 
A woman rang up, wanting to talk to Tim, who used to be a bookseller. She launched into a stream of explanation about books she wanted to sell. I finally managed to break in to explain that he had died. She paused imperceptibly and then asked me if I still wanted to buy the books. I said that I wasn't involved in the shop and she rang off. About five minutes later, the same woman, the same explanation. I broke in, this time to say, "You've already spoken to me and he's still dead." She responded to say, "I didn't – I dialled another number…" and I put the phone down.
 
Comedians and writers who have used humour to handle widowhood include Kat Lister, Tawny Platis (founder of Death is Hilarious) and Sandra E Manning.
 
It's important to remember that dark humour can be disconcerting for people outside of the community that you are in. I made a dark widow humour comment on a Zoom writing workshop about one bonus of his death being that I could finally get rid of his grandmother's coffee tables, and there was a moment of dead air followed by some nervous laughter. 
0 Comments
    Picture

    Author

    I was widowed at 50 when Tim, who I expected would be my happy-ever-after following a marriage break-up, died suddenly from heart failure linked to his type 2 diabetes. Though we'd known each other since our early 20s, we'd been married less than ten years. ​

    Archives

    May 2025
    April 2025
    February 2025
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    February 2019
    February 2018

    Categories

    All
    ADHD
    Anger
    Animals
    Autumn
    Being Happy
    Birthdays
    Bonfire Night
    Brain Fog
    Breaking News
    Celebrating
    Change
    Christmas
    Clearing And Decluttering
    Competition In Grief
    Complicated Grief
    Dating
    Death Abroad
    Depression
    Disenfranchised Grief
    Eating
    Envy
    Exhaustion
    Finances
    Flashbacks
    Food & Cooking
    Forgetting Them
    Friendships
    Funerals
    Grief Attacks
    Grief Hijacking
    Grounding
    Guilt
    Halloween
    Health Anxiety
    Health & Illness
    Helen Bailey
    Holidays
    Hope
    How To Help
    International Widow's Day
    Intrusive Thoughts & Memories
    Jealousy
    LGBTQ+
    Loneliness
    Losing Who I Am
    Making Plans
    Menopause
    Milestones
    Models Of Grief
    Moving Forward
    My Story
    National Grief Awareness Day
    Neurodiversity
    New Normal
    New Year
    Nightmares
    Pain
    Physical Symptoms Of Grief
    Psychological Symptoms Of Grief
    Regret
    Sadmin
    Secondary Losses
    Second Year
    Self Care
    Seven Deadly Sins Of Widowhood
    Sex
    Six Months
    Skin Hunger
    Sleep
    Subsequent And Previous Losses
    Sudden Death
    Survivor Guilt
    The Widow's Almanac
    Things Not To Say To A Widow
    Things You Learn As A Widow
    Timeline
    Valentine's Day
    Wedding Rings
    What If
    Widow Brain
    Widowhood Effect
    Widow Humour
    Widow's Fire
    Widow's Stories
    Winter
    Work
    Writing
    You Are A Widow

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly