In the early days of grief, I thought I would never laugh again. That my sense of humour had gone forever. I saw that Lee Ridley (Lost Voice Guy) was on locally, and on impulse I booked a ticket. I think it was my first trip to the theatre on my own. I was anxious, and very nearly backed out but I made it. I'd booked an end of row just in case I needed to make a run for it, and sitting in the audience I thought 'why am I here?' Then Lee came on stage. I laughed so much I nearly fell off my seat, and my stomach ached the next day.
Laying in bed that night, I did feel guilty. That I'd forgotten Tim. That I'd forgotten to grieve. But it really is okay to laugh again. Laughing is actually good for us. It improves our intake of oxygen, has an impact on our stress response, stimulates circulation and aids muscle relaxation. It can even improve our immune response. Laughing helps us cope, and helps us to feel human again. My sense of humour is definitely still here. It always was dark, and is perhaps a bit darker now, especially when I'm talking to other widows.
PS – Lee now has a Geordie accent to be closer to his family's voices
I was widowed at 50 when Tim, who I expected would be my happy-ever-after following a marriage break-up, died suddenly from heart failure linked to his type 2 diabetes. Though we'd known each other since our early 20s, we'd been married less than ten years.