The Widow's Handbook: winner of the Helen Bailey Award 2022
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Christmas isn't for everyone

1/12/2021

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Christmas can be hard for some people. This is written for The Widows' Handbook, but there are a lot of reasons why people don't want to be forced to be jolly at Christmas. ​

​Don't push people who don't want to be part of the Christmas spirit - people who have been bereaved, particularly if they were bereaved during the Festive season, don't always want to be part of the jollities.
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  • Don't tell them they are a 'stick in the mud' when they don't want to sign up to Secret Santa.
  • Don't call them a killjoy when they don't want to wear a Christmas jumper.
  • Don't get at them if they don't want to come to a Christmas party.
  • Don't make a fuss if they don't put up any decorations.
  • Don't tell them to 'just get on with Christmas'.
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Invite people who struggle with Christmas along to things, and if they say no, accept  the answer. Tell them the offer remains open if they change their minds. Accept that they might say yes, and then change their minds. And then give them peace and space.
​
Remember that if you invite grieving people, you are inviting their grief too - it's part of who they are. 

Above everything, be kind.

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    I was widowed at 50 when Tim, who I expected would be my happy-ever-after following a marriage break-up, died suddenly from heart failure linked to his type 2 diabetes. Though we'd known each other since our early 20s, we'd been married less than ten years. ​

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