Clearing after bereavement: The practical side

This is one of a pair of blogs - see also Clearing after bereavement: My story

Clearing after bereavement is hard. It’s full of triggers and tough memories and it's not something we ever imagined ourselves to have to do. Don't feel guilty clearing things out. This is your home, and is where you need to feel comfortable living.
 
There is no single right time for doing it. For some people, sorting out a partners' belongings happens the day after the death, for some it takes years, for others, it never happens. It also doesn't always happen all at once – it could be in two goes, or six goes, or ten goes, or sometimes a lifetime of goes. I did some sorting, got rid of some clothes and changed the layout of the bedroom, but it took about two years, the death of a friend, and a global pandemic for me to tackle it properly.
 
I did the clearing on my own, as it meant that I could work at my own speed, and not have to stop to explain things or answer questions. I did have a couple of friends on hand who I could message for support, or to show pictures of my progress. I also took frequent breaks as it was both physically and emotionally exhausting. But it's not the same for everyone – you might want to call in a friend or a family member for practical help, or just moral support. For some people, the process has to involve other people. This can be hard, and will need a lot of conversations and patience from everyone involved.
 
When you start clearing, divide things into categories:

• Save for me
• Save for others
• Sell
• Donate
• Throw away
• Not sure

 
Break the process down into manageable tasks, and start with the things with the fewest memories attached to them. Do an hour a day or a day a week, and tackle it room by room, or even cupboard by cupboard. Step away for a bit whenever you need to – go for a walk, have a nap, watch or listen to something.
 
If you are not working to a deadline, don't feel rushed – if you're not sure about whether to keep something or get rid of it, put it away until the next round of clearing. Some people will be under a deadline to sort things out – there may be a date to leave the property, or there may be pressure from other family members. If you have this kind of stress, enlist friends to help and to support you.
 
Create a memory box for things you want to keep but don't want to see every day, and take photos of things that are important memories, but you don't want to keep.
 
Be prepared for the grief attacks. And for the unexpected. But also, enjoy the happy memories. However hard it is, decluttering and rearranging your home can be a very positive experience. I found that it helped me to process my grief, which I didn't expect, and to reclaim the house as my home.
 
Clothes and jewellery

• Charity shops are always grateful for good quality clothing – my sister took Tim's clothes to a charity shop near her so I didn't have to see them
• Refugee organisations such as Care4Calais are looking for men's coats, hoodies, jumpers and trainers
• Give Your Best takes women's clothes and accessories for people in the UK who are refugees, seeking asylum, destitute, NRPF or with precarious immigration status
• You could make a memory quilt from ties, t-shirts or other fabrics, a memory pillow from a shirt or jumper, or a memory bear (or have one made by Becky's Bears)
• Get jewellery remade to something that you might wear
• Clothing can also be dropped off at a textile bank
• You can sell clothes through sites like Vinted and Depop

Sports

• Preloved Sports resells and redistributes sportswear, and supports the charity Talking About Loss

• The Bike Project fixes up bikes and donates them to refugees

 
Toiletries

• There are a number of charities that will accept toiletries (check if they will take part-used products):
  • Period products – Freedom4girls
  • Toiletries and makeup – The Hygiene Bank, ToiletriesAmnesty, BeautyBanks
• You can also donate unopened toiletries and period protection to your local food bank or women's refuge
• Pass part-used toiletries on to friends and family

 
CDs, DVDs, games and books

• You can sell CDs, DVDs, books and/or games on sites like Music Magpie, Ziffit, Sell It Back, Zapper and WeBuyBooks
• Second-hand bookshops may buy books – call or email before you take them in to avoid disappointment
• There are charity bins for CDs, DVDs, books and/or games in many carparks and recycling centres
• Donate CDs, DVDs, books and games to friends, family or charity shops

 
Phones, tablets and computers

• Make sure you take all the data off before you pass on any IT equipment
• You can sell mobile phones
• You can donate phones and tablets to charity
  • Hubbub provides smartphones to people without access to the internet
  • Little Lives provides smartphones and tablets to schools, councils and refugee centres
  • The Great British Tech Appeal distributes smartphones and tablets to refugees
• Computer reuse programmes take laptops for use in the local community or for students

 
Electrical equipment

• Not all charity shops accept electrical equipment – check before you donate
• Most recycling centres will take electrical items

 
Other items

• Freegle allows you to pass things on for free to members of your local community
• You can sell (almost) anything through eBay, Gumtree, Shpock, Preloved and Facebook Marketplace. If you sell things on eBay, you can donate between 10% and 100% to charity.
• Opticians used to accept prescription glasses, but not all have started again after the pandemic. Peep accept glasses by post