Survivor guilt: Why not me?

Survivor guilt is the guilt that people feel when they are the one left behind after a death. It could be for surviving the accident that killed them. It could be what you felt you should or shouldn't have done before their death. Or it could simply be that they were ill and you were not. Around 90% of people who survive a traumatic event experience survivor guilt.
 
The kinds of symptoms of survivor guilt overlap with those seen with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and survivor's guilt has been defined as a symptom of PTSD.

• Guilt for surviving
• Flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive thoughts
• Constantly thinking and analysing what happened
• Wondering what might have happened had things been different – the What Ifs
• Anger, mood swings and irritability
• Anxiety
• Appetite changes
• Problems sleeping
• Feeling confused, helpless or disconnected, or having trouble concentrating
• Physical symptoms, like nausea, stomach-aches and headaches
• Lack of motivation, depression, despair or suicidal thoughts
• Desire for isolation
• Feeling like you can't trust anyone
• Feeling that you are a bad person and that you are responsible for what happened (even if you weren’t)
• Feeling that you didn't deserve to be alive
• Seeing the world as unjust, unfair, cruel or dangerous

 
People who have been through trauma before, who live with mental health, addiction or psychiatric issues, or who lack self-esteem, are introverted or are submissive by nature may be more likely to experience survivor guilt.
 
Survivor guilt generally starts to fade over time. There are a few hints and tips that might help you cope with the feelings:

• Understand that while the feelings aren't logical, and often aren't true, they are normal, and you are allowed to feel like this
• Try to process your feelings of grief or guilt
• Think about the outside factors that may have caused the situation, which might help you to put things in perspective
• Try to forgive yourself for any role that you played in the situation
• Talk through how you feel with friends, family or people in your grief support groups
• Write about how you feel or create some art
• Be kind to yourself – go for a walk, read a book you love, watch a film you enjoy, listen to music, have a warm bath
• Try not to resort to self-medication through drugs or alcohol
• Do something that helps other people – volunteer, give blood, work to improve your local community

 
If your survivor guilt symptoms become overwhelming and mean that you can't function properly, consider talking to a psychotherapist or counsellor.