 "I have never been so alone" The Derby Witness 2020 Many of us have been lonely at one time or another, and it is a deep dark feeling. I didn't really understand the depth of it until I was a childfree widow during the COVID-19 lockdown in spring 2020, when I couldn't visit anyone, touch anyone, or chat with anyone other than from a distance. The aloneness and the loneliness that came with it made me hurt physically.
When we are widowed, loneliness can be overwhelming and all-encompassing, and made worse by our grief. It can feel physical. As a someone said on Twitter – yearning is a physical pain, an ache that never ceases. It’s also a loneliness that isn’t linked to being alone – we can be lonely in a crowd. Health impacts of loneliness Being lonely can affect health – social isolation and loneliness have been linked with a number of forms of physical and mental illness, including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, a weakened immune system, worsening Parkinson’s disease symptoms, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, stress, cognitive decline, dementia, and even death. There’s a number of possible reasons for this – loneliness and grief are both linked with behaviour that can affect our health, including not eating or sleeping properly, not exercising, and drinking or smoking more than is healthy. People who are grieving and lonely may not look after their health. And loneliness itself can affect health, with reduced immunity, increased inflammation and increased pain. What to do? Woman’s hour on Radio 4 had a special on Loneliness – the last taboo?, and it’s worth listening to. There are groups and organisations that can help with information on loneliness and how to cope:
If you want to find people locally and nationally to connect with, there are organisations and websites that link people up:
8 Comments
Denise Dixon
26/4/2024 22:18:59
5 years have passed since my husband died suddenly, I’m busy doing things I don’t really want to do, so lonely . I try so hard to keep busy, I just feel lost; no direction.
David DiSandro
21/11/2024 22:27:11
What did you do to get keep busy?
Pauline Troy
2/5/2024 16:49:23
Hi Denise, oh boy do I know how you feel. I lost my husband in November and life is so hard. The loneliness is horrible. When he was alive the last 6 months was litterley 24 x 7 and now what do I do. I thought I was going to find information here about a timeframe when this pain would end 😥. It seems to get worse and now I find myself not wanting to try anymore. Sick of therapy. Anxiety physically painful. I realize now that people will only give so much until they are worried about being inconvenienced. Then they distance themselves, including and, sadly, especially family.
Suzanne
12/7/2024 15:30:02
I'm so sorry to hear this - so many people say that the loneliness is one of the hardest parts of loss. Please take care of yourself
Barbara
18/10/2024 22:01:37
I've had the same experience, sadly
Ruth Farmer
6/7/2024 18:21:38
Hi Denise, I lost my husband three days ago. I didn’t know it could hurt so much I’m lost, confused and muddling through in a new world where I don’t have a map and don’t know the rules.
Belle
17/8/2024 17:53:34
Lost my husband in 2022 and was running on autopilot for the first year. Continued in my job which in hindsight was good for me as I was amongst familiar surroundings. Everyone was gentle and understanding during my darkest days. Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI was widowed at 50 when Tim, who I expected would be my happy-ever-after following a marriage break-up, died suddenly from heart failure linked to his type 2 diabetes. Though we'd known each other since our early 20s, we'd been married less than ten years. Archives
October 2024
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