Things I have learned as a widow. A list.

There are all kinds of widows.

Grieving is incredibly tiring.
 
Grief hurts physically.
 
You can be really thirsty in the raw days of grief.

​There's no one normal in grief - how you grieve is normal for you, two people's grief are the same, and no-one should ever tell you how to grieve.

You are not responsible for anyone else's grief.

Grief does not have a timeline.

Grief is not linear.
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The people who you thought would step up aren’t always the ones you expect.

You become responsible for everything, from what you have for tea to running the household.
 
People make you a lot of tea.
 
You lose your past, your present and your future.
 
Grounding techniques can actually work.
 
Your perspectives change.
 
Your people change.
 
Widow’s brain is real.
 
Skin hunger/touch starvation is real.
 
Heartache and yearning are real.
 
Loneliness is real.

The world carries on without them.

The run up to a milestone day can be worse than the day itself.

All of the firsts aren't necessarily over in the first year.

You miss having someone to do nothing with.

Life is now before and after, and will never be the same again.

You will never be the person you were before - and that can be both positive and negative.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living two parallel lives.

It can be the loss of the little things that hurt the most.
 
People say the most ridiculous things, but they also say the loveliest things.
 
It’s okay to be really angry.
 
It’s okay to have widow’s fire.

Your appetite can increase or decrease, and cooking for one is hard after you've cooked for two.

Retail therapy sometimes works - but it's not a good long term plan.

It’s okay to not clean the house, or leave the washing up until Thursday.

​It's okay to say no.

Celebrating the tiniest win, like having a shower, is good.

Asking for help is hard.
 
Sheep give you funny looks when you stand in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere and sob.
 
That it doesn’t always hurt like it did in the early days.

You don't move on from grief but you can move forward.
 
That you might find love again. Or you might not. And either is fine.
 
You can be happy again. It’s not the happy you planned for but it’s okay.